July is here... and I have a feeling its going to be a hard one

July is finally here, for the past year at times I have been so excited for July to come, My precious Landon will be 6 and my Delaney would be 1! I anxiously awaited the times that we (Tanner, Landon and I) could proudly take her back to the NICU and show the doctors and nurses just how big and beautiful our girl had gotten. I had it all planned out in my head her being in a cute little pillow case dress with her name on it and of course a big ol' bow on her head :) and her smiling and happy just being a precious baby. We had so many plans for her and us, her and Landon are supposed to be the best of friends and fuss and drive us nuts. She was supposed to be his little person, and she already was my 2nd little person, because I have never loved 2 human beings more than I love my Landon and my Laney. Delaney Claire was my little friend and my gosh how much I miss her. Its really hard when Daddy takes Landon to do boy things like fishing, baseball, or picking out camoflauge for the hunting lease that he is getting on.. Because I want my girl here to do our stuff with, I feel like I should be getting ready to throw 2 of the biggest birthday bashes ever celebrating the triumphant year we have had, and instead I'm planning 1 big birthday for my big boy and I have never been happier to watch a little boy turn a year older. I am so thankful that the Lord has given us 2 children to love, and I have never loved and cherished Landon more. With a baby comes hope...... Hope for a future of happiness and joy, and when a baby is taken to heaven so suddenly that hope feels like it is just ripped away without warning. We were so focused on G-tube surgery and 11 lbs for a home vent.. days filled with hope about the day when Tanner and I would finally bring our baby girl home to really meet her big brother, yes she had saw him numerous times in the hospital, but I mean really meet her awesome big brother. we were so ready...... There were so many of our family that never got to meet sweet Delaney before she went to heaven however the impact she had on so many people still brings me to tears, she brought so many people to their knees in prayer and showed people that faith can move mountains....        

 love you my prince and princess.